one might say we're banned from that church
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
