Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
