I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
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what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
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i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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