Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
