I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
