i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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