My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
