You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
