So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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