made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
