it wasn't lemon gatorade
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
