i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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