there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
