she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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