OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
