you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
