You're so nebulous sometimes
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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