he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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