Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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