ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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