I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
