You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
