I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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