you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
