somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
