Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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