I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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