You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
