If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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