Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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