He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
