I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize