well I can't set my house on fire every night
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
