I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
