Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
