The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
