Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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