Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
