I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
