New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
