drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i may or may not be watching the land before time
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
we should paint friendship bongs
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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