I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
