the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
