I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
