Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
