he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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