he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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