I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
