ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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