What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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