I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
