I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
