id be glad to
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so let's talk penis.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
