Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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