Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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