I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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