Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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