Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
