why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
