somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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