I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
