i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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