Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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