um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
