The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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