I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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