I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
