Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
