People in love make me want to vomit
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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