There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
